to be with this guy..


he called me up after 2 months of separation.
a day before my birthday, saying want to celebrate my birthday.
we had fairly long conversation on the phone because i wanted to make things clear and see what was his purpose to call me up all the sudden.
the conversation was like this.
in the conversation, he said he misses me, and care for me... i said nothing. and he asked me if i care for him. i answered nothing.
because i cared him very much before and he didn't.


i didn't want to rewind. i don't want to see the same movie that make me feel tangible. once is enough.


i made my decision.

I saw him.
I hugged him.
We talked.
We kissed.
We smiled.


I thought this time might be fine. this time we'll have a great time.





i guess i was wrong.
same mistake.






trapped.. again.








i knew something was wrong and different.
when i ask him, he told me to leave, instead of giving me an answer.



he doesn't give me what i want.
he doesn't deserve me anymore.
fake.
i don't feel anything from him... i feel like he's just doing to me by his nature, not for a lover.
i feel the difference.
how simple to see things out.

obviously, he's sleeping with other woman.
maybe random.

so, what am i waiting for?
what's the point to be with him?
what's the point to pore my effort to spend some time with him?


he's like a snake in the garden of adam&eve.

I was fine for a while, and he dragged me to
i do not want thiat. i want to see the progress.
i wanted to see what we hold and seek for mutual happiness.
i want to help each other to grow our potential.

No.
No.
again.



four months. from march to july.
after an my careless innoccent accident, i tried so hard.
i made a lot of effort to restore.

but i ended up worn out.



i really feel the same thing is happening.

i am not even sure if i'm in love and if i do, why i still love him.

he ditched me on the ground, to the bottom.
his feet on my cheek, snugging onto the ground, while he's talking and laughing other friend. he's kissing me while he's having sex with other woman.

so, what's the point, ai?
i am counting. two less, i'll be gone with the wind.

ai ｜MAIL