[自分の回答]


I think children's connection is important for their growth. That's why I support Paul's oinion about Pen Pals. Social media has pros and cons. For example, it can connect people all over the world but it might access unimportant information. Social media can have a significsnt role as a traditional Pen Pals. We seldom use air mail now because it cost a lot of money and takes a long time to reach to your Pen Pals.




[添削回答]


I think children's connection is important for their growth, so I support Paul's opinion about pen pals. Social media has both pros and cons. For example, it can connect children with others around the world, helping them learn about different cultures and ideas. However, there is also a risk that they are exposed to unimportant or even harmful information. Social media can play a similar role as traditional pen pals, but it is much faster and cheaper than sending letters by mail. Still, adults should supervise children's use to help protect them from negative influences.




A1. "it can connect people all over the world but it might access unimportant information."
⏩️ it can connect children with others around the world, helping them learn about different cultures and ideas. However, there is also a risk that they are exposed to unimportant or even harmful information.
「people」を「children with others」と具体化し、メリットについてより詳しく説明を追加しました。また、接続詞「but」を「However, there is also a risk that...」というよりフォーマルで明確な対比表現に改善し、「access unimportant information」を「exposed to unimportant or even harmful information」という、情報の危険性についてより正確で自然な言葉遣いに変更しました。


A1. "it might access unimportant information."
⏩️ However, there is also a risk that they are exposed to unimportant or even harmful information.
「access unimportant information」という表現は、ソーシャルメディアが情報を「アクセスする」と聞こえ、子供たちが情報に「触れる」というニュアンスが弱く、漠然としていました。改善された文章では、「unimportant or even harmful information（重要でない、あるいは有害な情報に晒される）」と具体的に表現され、子供たちが直面するリスクがより明確になりました。このように、具体的なリスクを提示することで、あなたの意見がより説得力を持ちます。


A1. "Social media can have a significsnt role as a traditional Pen Pals."
⏩️ Social media can play a similar role as traditional pen pals,
「significsnt」のスペルミスを「similar」に修正し、文脈に合ったより適切な単語を選択しました。また、「have a role」をより自然なイディオムである「play a role」に改善しました。