DiaryINDEX｜past｜will
| 2003年12月24日(水) |
ぐわ 頭が 痛いのだああ
なんだか 誰かが 私の頭を 引っ掻き回している感じ でも んなことあるわけない 笑
単なる 頭痛だ
| 2003年12月04日(木) |
疲れて頭痛がひどい。・。 いったいどうなるのかな。
何とか頑張って 片づけするのだああ
| 2003年11月22日(土) |
疲れてる 疲れてる 誰に会いたいのかもわからないのに あいたいあいたいって思ってるし。。。。
| 2003年10月29日(水) | 約束・・・ |
Promise
People too much...hurting
my fear has created so many monsters...
I could not beat them
could not screen off them from the world
now.. let's over...everything
One day I will remember... those days
It suddenly has visited me
-revelation-
The hermit will come down here from the hermitage
The arrow will be shot off
A dawn will be showed...
The time.. has come.
The train wll be waiting for me
The whistle is blowing..
All hurts will be guide of light for my way
All faults and mistakes will be railway for my journey
The whistle is blowing
The train opened the door
The time came...
See you... We will meet other different places
The sun is rising again..
人はたくさん傷ついて
私の不安はたくさんの 怪物を生み
それを倒せない
それを遮れない・・・
もうすべて終わりにしよう
いつか この日々を思い出すだろう
それ突然に私に向かってきた
啓示・・・
隠者は庵からやってくる
矢は 放たれる
夜明けは見えるだろう
時はきたれり
汽笛はなり私を待っている
すべての傷は私を導く光
すべての過ちは私の行方の線路・・・
汽笛は鳴っている
汽車は扉を開けた
時は来た
また 違う場所で会おう・・・
日はまた昇り始める
| 2003年10月11日(土) |
preface to my life story
I want to recover from my depression but it also means to recover I have to change my wrongful thinking and warped view. I will have to face my fear and all negative feeling. Those feelings like sadness,anger, hostility jealousy and grudges.
These negative feelings I always tried to hide and now have to admit, have been unsuccessful in hiding them. So my thinking is distorted now.
I do not think changing mind is enough, I really need to let it go...have to accept all my feelings and hug myself.
If I could hold myself lovingly I believe gradually and clearly I will change my personality, character and my life.
Now I cannot believe in myself and I do not believe there's a future. So most things for me are destructive, spiteful and dreadful.
I know most people have kind mind and people in my present surroundings are so warm.But my fear and thinking do not allow me to believe it.
I feel too terrified to believe, good, happy positive things. Because I have forced myself to believe everything is so dreadful this has become a natural thing to me.
I thought I must not cry, I must not rely, I must not ask for help, I must not get angry I must not hate ......etc...
And these are my charm against evil things as well a curse for myself.
These tied up my thinking so fast, I could not even breathe.
I want to be free and I want to believe myself and in tomorrow.
So I decided to write my story in as much detail as I possibly can to sort and clear my things out.
Then I want to think who I am, what I feel now,where am I going and where do I want to go and can do
In the end I hope I can reverse my intention and thinking too.
I need to do this for my life and I have not been able to do this. I want to get my life back.
I only have today and do not want to live in my wild disorted destructive place any more.
I want to forgive me and forgive my hateful past and to taste all things of life. I want to love, and believe in people.
So please forgive my nasty, miserable, gloomy writing , I realise now I need some help to do this.
Please forgive my selfish thinking
I hope these actions will also help you.
